Adi Da > Frederick Court
The Eternal Answer of the Divine
I'll preface this Leela of my approach to Beloved Adi Da by saying that, over time, I have come to realise that Beloved Adi Da has been with me all along,
as He literally Is Awareness itself. (My first conscious feeling of Adi Da as the Divine Person Who Is Consciousness Itself was at the age of five — but that is another leela.)
* * *
I had a rather extraordinary and gracious childhood, with many ordinary problems but also much privilege. By the age of 18, I had served for a time as an officer in training with the Royal Australian Air Force. During that time, I had been part of a Charismatic Church congregation called the Dutch Reform Church for six months or so. There I experienced being "slain in the spirit" and "speaking in tongues" (glossalia). (These experiences are described in the New Testament in Paul's first letter to the Corinthians.) I turned into a keen evangelist (which I find amusing now). I even tried to convert my own family!
One night (at age 18), I was in my bedroom, going through a crisis. I felt life as bleak. I was deeply disillusioned. As I looked at the eucalyptus trees and the moon outside, everything felt stark and I was feeling terrible. I was not feeling any joy in life at all. There was no feeling of the Mystery. I was in deep doubt.
I cried out to Jesus. I shouted, "If you are here, show yourself!"
I didn't get an answer.
* * *
So I gave up on Christianity. (Even so, I have always had respect for people with true devotion in any religious or spiritual tradition.)
I became an existentialist. I started reading Sartre and Camus and so on.
About six years later, I was in my last year of acting school. I had just read the Bhagavad Gita and it hit me big time that I needed a Spiritual
Teacher. I read about Krishna and Arjuna and I tacitly understood something about the importance of the relationship between a man and God. As it turned out,
my singing teacher at acting school — Ruth — was a devotee of Adi Da. There was something about her. . . She always seemed to be so full of bright energy.
I will always be grateful to her, because she was the one who introduced me to Adi Da, and changed this life profoundly.
One evening, after a cabaret rehearsal, she gave me a lift back to my house. I mentioned to her that I was looking for a Spiritual teacher.
She said "Well, you need to read a book by Da Free John". (Da Free John was Adi Da's name at the time.)
So a few weeks later, I got a copy of Adi Da's Dawn Horse Testament. I read "The Plight of the Heart Husband" and the chapter about the Cosmic Mandala. Oh my! What wisdom!
And light was coming off the pages. (Not visually, but in my feeling vision.)
The first image I saw of Beloved Adi Da
in The Dawn Horse Testament
(click picture to enlarge)
I went into a state of deep happiness that lasted for months. I didn't really have a clue what was
It would take me another sixteen years before I actually came into Adi Da's physical Company, and I travelled a lot during that time. I have many stories about that travel. Many times Beloved Adi Da showed himself in miraculous ways.
Even though I had discovered Adi Da, I was still seeking — I studied Vipassana, Raja Yoga, and Taoism, and studied Zen in Japan. I even explored Soto Zen, because Adi Da had mentioned Dogen, the 13th Soto Zen century teacher, in the back of an early edition of the Dawn Horse Testament.
But through all those sixteen years, I constantly read Adi Da's Word. I always felt He was with me in my travels. In a sense, I was avoiding Him; but in spite of that, He was always giving me windows to Him mysteriously and continuously.
I used to have visions of Him while sitting in Zazen. Events would happen such as sitting in Zazen and suddenly my eyes would turn up towards the sahasrhar
chakra. I would go back to my room from the meditation hall where I was practising near Tokyo and open one of Beloved Adi Da's texts and
spontaneously would turn to a page where He described the event of the eyes turning upward. There were constant synchronicities — and I do mean constant! I was also doing puja every day on a Murti of Adi Da, during the same period as I was sitting in the Zendo there.
In 2002, I was living in Tokyo. I was given the opportunity to travel to The Mountain of Attention Sanctuary to attend a "Divine Light Image-Art" retreat that focused on Adi Da's Image-Art. I arrived at The Mountain of Attention, and stayed that first night at Quiet Dogs Retreat Center. The first night I was there, I could see the lights on at Adi Da's residence, the Manner Of Flowers. I was so happy to be there and know that Adi Da Samraj was in His House just a hundred metres away!
During my visit, I also stayed with two lovely devotees, Anne and Lee. Many wondrous things happened while I was visiting that sanctuary. It is truly an Empowered Place! Within its boundaries, it is as if one is walking through the loving, powerful, even viscous Spiritual Presence of Adi Da Samraj.
While I was visiting The Mountain Of Attention, I had no idea if I was going to be able to see Adi Da. But one night, I was invited to a Sacred Music Offering that He was going to attend. My heart almost sprang out of my chest. I had been waiting sixteen years for this moment!
The occasion took place in the "Bright" Room Gallery at The Mountain Of Attention. I first saw the top of Adi Da's head as He walked through the door. I started to lose my mind. I was so excited to sight The Sat-Guru. He walked with such gracefulness and power to His Seat. He gave standing Darshan. I cannot remember if He did that before or after being seated. . . I was pretty mindless. He just looked so astoundingly beautiful! He moved like liquid crystal. Utterly fluid and open.
He then sat down and and gave Darshan to everyone there.
Sacred Music Offering, The "Bright" Room Gallery
The Mountain of Attention Sanctuary, July 18, 2002
(click picture to enlarge)
One moment in that occasion, Adi Da Glanced at me, into my eyes.
I could see there was no one behind His Eyes in a conventional sense. His Perfectly Open Eyes pierced through me. In that moment, He gave a Depthful lesson to me: a Demand to Wake Up.
The room that night had a constant shower of nectarous Transmission of Him, washing down continuously — so, so sweet. Many Profound and extra-ordinary visions of His Form arose. It was a bathing in His Love, and all the devotees in the room were swooning in His Love-Bliss. In those moments, it was the most beautiful place to be on the planet.
It was utter Grace to sight Beloved Adi Da another four times during my visit.
Each Darshan had its particular Gifts. During the fifth Darshan in His garden at The Manner Of Flowers, Adi Da was sitting on a simple wooden bench seat in front of His devotees, with a flame torch on either side of His body, just past midnight. There was a wondrously intense feeling of His Spiritual Transmission Washing down over His devotees as we all sang praise to Him under the bright Da Purnima Full Moon.
The feeling of Him was so intense that, for a moment, I recoiled back to my sense of separate self. I starting thinking, "What am I doing here? How can this be real?" I was feeling exceedingly uncomfortable; my head cramped with concern. However, I remembered what I had been taught by Adi Da. I turned my attention back to Him, focusing my feeling heart and eyes on the beautiful sight of my Beloved Guru.
Suddenly, the crown of my head opened up like a flower as I surrendered my attention to Him. Instantly, Adi Da Samraj's Spiritual Force Crashed Down as a Pillar of Feeling Light through my body to my feet. I felt the whole body-mind empty and Filled Forcefully with His Spiritual Transmission.
In that final Darshan, Adi Da had Invaded this body-mind so intensely As Bhagavan that I will never, ever forget Him in this lifetime.
* * *
More recently, in April, 2017, He Revealed that He Is Consciousness Itself very Mysteriously and Profoundly in Profound Samadhis beyond anything this body-mind had ever Witnessed before. Temporary, no doubt, but impossible to forget. He Is Everywhere NOW — His Divine Spiritual Presence Sapta Na Adi Da Samraj Is Here Right Now!
When I was about 24, I first read (in The Dawn Horse Testament) that Adi Da Is Consciousness Itself. It would take another thirty-one years to understand that communication with heart-depth.
And now, in feeling, the true practice begins. . . though there have been progressive Gifts since day one (or even before that).
In a sense, Adi Da is silencing me. I have less interest in many distractions in this life now as He is attracting me to deeper equanimity and peace in Him. . . but that is another leela.
* * *
There has never been anyone like Adi Da Incarnated before.
He Is The Heart-Master of all and All. He is this human heart's deepest love — for He Is Love Itself.
Never gone and never will be gone, He Is Beyond Time.
Acausal Real God.
Only The Horse Knows.
I love you, Bhagavan Adi Da.
You are no "other" to the human heart.
You are here Right Now.
That night when I was 18, that calling out to God in deepest desperation has been eternally answered by Adi Da Samraj.
The human voices all call out to the Heart and Person of Real God,
Who Lives and Breathes and Feels and Is them, here and now,
beyond the ego-"I" and all its search-for-"God" Ideas:
Heart of hearts, Reveal to us the Truth,
the "Bright" Power That Liberates the ego-"I" from itself.
Avatar Adi Da Samraj
Ruchira Avatara Gita (The Way of the Divine Heart-Master)
The heart has a question.
The heart must be Satisfied.
that Satisfaction — Which is necessarily Spiritual in Nature – there is no Real
Avatar Adi Da Samraj
Head Is an Open Cup of Touch, Rather Than a Knotted Ball of Thought", in Hridaya