Media Circuses, and Anti-Adi Da Sites > Doubt
This article has several subsections:
Mind (and Its Endless Perpetuation) Versus the Revelation
Adi Da has always acknowledged that doubts can
arise, even after a person has a moment of recognition of
Him as the Divine. For this reason, He has said: "If the Revelation
[of God] is made clear in this moment, then make a solemn,
eternal vow of absolute commitment to God-Realization,
and commit yourself to do whatever is necessary for the sake
of God-Realization. Devote this life to it, devote whatever
time and space appear entirely to God-Realization."
This accounts for the practical reality that a crystal clear
moment of genuine Revelation can be followed by many further
moments that are not so clear, are clouded by ego, and in
which that Revelation may be obscured, momentarily or for
extended periods. But one should never let such less conscious,
less Revelatory moments cause one to fall from a life that
has been rightly organized around the moments of genuine Revelation.
The sun doesn't cease to exist, just because local weather
conditions temporarily obscure it from the viewpoint of those
under the clouds!
with Me and the quality of Spiritual life in My Avataric
Divine Company as something very enjoyable, very profound.
Then, all of a sudden, they come to the first point
of crisis in this Way of heart-relationship to Me. An
insane compulsion, almost like a possession, overcomes
them and seems to demand that they abandon this sadhana.
They wake up one morning: "My Guru is no good. The gathering
of devotees is no good. Spiritual life is no good. None
of this has anything to do with me. I should leave and
return to my previous, relatively happy existence."
If they are able to hold on through a few of these episodes,
they begin to see all of this as their own activity,
not anything that truly reflects on this sadhana, and
they become stable again in Satsang with Me.
When this form of crisis is (thus) overcome, then (at
some point) a new one develops — just as suddenly
and with equal force. Then they think: "The sadhana
is good. My Guru is good. The gathering of devotees
is good. Truth is good. Spiritual life is good. But
I'm no good. I'm not ready for it yet. I'm not an 'old
enough' soul yet. I'm still full of desires. I guess
I'm supposed to seek for a while." This is the crisis
of self-doubt. It is often topped off with the observation
(so called) that "My Guru hates me." And, so, they want
to leave — if only for that reason!
is always a form of contraction, of separation, of leaving.
But if you are able to pass through both of these crises
— still holding on to Me, still maintaining a
responsible refusal to exploit this subjective life-drama
— then you can begin to settle stably into the
Real Spiritual life of Satsang with Me.
Avatar Adi Da Samraj, My
Adi Da explains how this doubt of "self" and "other" is an
inherent characteristic of egoity, which the ego enacts
with everyone (including Adi Da):
The ego-'I' is 'self'-destructive and 'other'-destructive.
The ego-'I' is a cornered rat. The 'self'-contraction
confines the 'self' to a lesser principle of existence,
a separate being. Everything associated with it, then,
becomes a kind of surrounding, a kind of trap, a confinement.
You alternate between the 'self'-doubting, 'self'-destructive
orientation, and the 'other'-doubting, 'other'-destructive
orientation until you become responsible, through 'self'-observation,
for this confinement, this knot of egoity, and become
coincident with the Totality of Existence, Divine Existence.
Then you can begin to grow again, and not only in human
terms, in the ordinary sense, but Spiritually, in the
highest human terms.
Avatar Adi Da Samraj
in a gathering with devotees in August, 1982
In terms of facilitating Adi Da's Revelation in
your own case, endless questions expressing doubts about Adi
Da, Adidam, or self will not serve to attune you with that
Revelation, the prerequisite for becoming Adi Da's devotee.
They only magnify doubt, and answers to them at best only
relieve doubt (momentarily); they are self-oriented activities,
whereas the activities that serve the Revelation do not return
you to "yourself", but rather open you to the Divine
Reality (that includes, but is greater than, "you").
More specifically, if you are someone interested
in the possibility of becoming Adi Da's devotee, but have
Taken together, these two observations imply that the Revelation
is taking place on a different, deeper "level" than
the questions, the question-answering, and the questioner
— hence the Revelation "pulls the rug out" from under
the questions, the question-answering, and the questioner.
The Revelation and the questions (or answers to them) have
nothing to do with each other! The only connection is a negative
one: the doubt, fear, or other reactivity engendered by questions
(or answers to them, or lack of answers to them) can cause
one to become closed to the possibility of this Revelation.
In this sense, such doubts can cause one to choose not to
invest the time visiting Adi Da's "Room" to the
point where you receive this Gift of Revelation. And that
would be a great loss, when one considers one's destiny altogether.
2. The Dissolution of the Questioner
"Are there any questions?" was one of Adi Da's favorite
lines when He gathered with His devotees, and from it —
the questions asked by devotees, and Adi Da's responses —
came thousands of talks filled with extraordinary wisdom. He
humorously said once that, collectively, we were an "Avatar
of reluctance", whose resistance to (and therefore, weakness
in) practice, along with endless questions, were what led Him
to create His extraordinary and comprehensive Wisdom-Teaching.
You all, meaning the whole community,
should be championing this Teaching, communicating this
Way, stabilizing this institution, creating communities,
keeping the literature available everywhere, in all
kinds of languages, devoting yourselves to benign communication
of the Way and practicing it in your place. That is
what we should be doing in the future, not struggling
anymore with the beginner's reluctance. That struggle
has served its purpose, which was to motivate Me to
Teach, to cover all the bases, to deal with everything.
Now you have done it. That was really good! That was
really great! That was a great job you did! (Laughter)
You are collectively an Avatar of reluctance! (Laughter)
Very admirable — may you be praised for generations!
(More laughter) But you have now served your
purpose, and now you must become a different kind of
Avatar. It is time we made a change.
Avatar Adi Da Samraj, "The Grace
And from time to time, Adi Da would tell us that the deeper
purpose of this exercise of gathering and answering our questions
was simply to provide a means to keep us occupied —
to keep us "in the Room" with Him — while
He transformed our state with His Spiritual Transmission,
dissolving the questioner in the Enlightened State of Divine
Ignorance (also known as "Perfect Knowledge"). And
that indeed was what would happen. Late in the night, He'd
ask again, "Are there any questions?" And there
would be none: not because we had asked every possible question,
but because we ourselves had been dissolved.
3. Five Ways To Lose the Revelation
As mentioned earlier, it's quite possible, even
likely (until recognition is established as a moment-to-moment
capability), that a moment of crystal clear, self-authenticating
Revelation — a moment of recognizing Adi Da as the Divine
— will be followed by many moments that are less clear, in
which (if one is not careful) one can doubt what was Revealed,
or someone we know can introduce doubt. For instance, one
of Adi Da's detractors reading this might twist around what
I wrote, and suggest that the moment where I perversely envisioned
Adi Da and His devotees dancing around the room as a megalomaniac
and His cultic followers was not a moment of egoity on my
part, but a moment of clarity, and His Blasting me with His
Force, was His putting me under His "spell" again.
It is possible to doubt anything and everything!
Even that which you held most certain in another moment. As
a rejoinder to the traditional saying, "Faith can move
mountains", an old Persian proverb proclaims, "Doubt
makes the mountain which faith can move." (And indeed,
this whole article is in some sense about faith — not
"faith" of the belief-based kind associated with
conventional religions, but as Adi Da uses the word: faith
that is grounded in direct Revelation.)
That's why it's so important to have an understanding
of, and clarity about, the entire process in which you are
engaged (whether you are Adi Da's devotee or considering becoming
Adi Da's devotee), so that, if and when a Divine Revelation
comes your way that authenticates itself with crystal clarity,
you allow every aspect of your being to be imprinted with
that Revelation and the memory of the absolute certainty you
feel; and intentionally make a part of your practice from
then on to keep your eye out for the onset of doubts (from
yourself or others) that might jeopardize your connection
to that Revelation, and threaten the thread of practice capable
of restoring that Revelation in any moment — just like
you readily commit yourself at your wedding ceremony to keep
your eye out for (and work to banish) anything that comes
along in your married life that could work to undermine the
love relationship you have with your intimate partner.
The process of repeated Revelation (to the point of Realization)
can be undermined in any number of ways (and, as a result,
never really take off):
I've seen a lot of people who never really
allowed Adi Da's Revelation to deeply penetrate them (to
the point of recognition of Him as the Divine), and so
they rather easily moved on to other Gurus and spiritual
alternatives. It's something like promiscuous people whose
deep fear of commitment makes it difficult for them to
enter into the real depth of intimacy, or anything but
superficial relationships, which they leave at the first
sign of difficulty, or when something new and attractive
presents itself. They may even "get married" for a time
(on the basis of temporary infatuation), but the label
of "marriage" does not change their superficial participation
in it, anymore than "becoming Adi Da's devotee" for a
time (even years) changes a person's superficial participation
in it, if that is their pattern.
I've seen a lot of people gain and lose the
thread of practice which links one to Adi Da as the Divine.
(Adi Da has referred to it as a "thread" because
it is very delicate when one is still a beginner. Another
useful metaphor is that of fanning
the flame; if one does not actively fan the flame,
the flame can go out.)
I've seen people confess God with absolute
certainty in the presence of Adi Da, and then never return
— usually getting preoccupied by circumstances or by people
who distracted them from the profundity of the Revelation
they had received; or by allowing the doubts of friends
or family to generate doubt in oneself, in spite of the
Truth of the Revelation.
I've seen many people who — in the manner
of "armchair" comparative religionists 
— study many spiritual possibilities at a safe distance,
feeling very "knowledgeable" about them all,
but (fundamentally because of doubt and the associated
inability to commit) never actually take up a life of
practice within the living context of any one of these
traditions; as a result, their only "fruit"
has been a lot of knowledge about various Realizations,
but no actual Realization. (Adi Da has sometimes called
such people "spiritual pornographers" because they "get
off" on reading the books, but don't actually participate
in a living culture and a truly transformative practice.)
Perhaps all who have been touched by Adi Da
will recognize Him as the Divine at some point, or be restored
to that recognition — but it might take lifetimes to restore
that recognition, once lost. What I've illustrated here are
primarily useful object lessons for what not to let
happen in your own case, as you consider Adi Da, and open
your heart to the Divine Revelation He offers to everyone.
If that Revelation arrives, stay in the Room with It! Treat
It like the precious Treasure It is.
Don't ever allow yourself to lose It.
4. Romanticizing Recognition
It's easy to come into this process with all
kinds of fairy tales about spirituality, romanticizing what
Spiritual Masters and Revelations should look like. Or having
romantic (and naive) notions like, "The Truth will out"
when what is more accurate (especially in this time, but to
some degree, in every time) is, as Adi Da puts
it: "God is great. But unfortunately for you, bullshit
example, when I was much younger, I had the romantic notion
that when you received an authentic Spiritual Revelation,
from that moment on you would live "happily ever after",
in the certainty of that Revelation. I could even associate
that notion with a scene in a particular movie that had made
a strong impression on me when I was young. In Miracle
of Fatima, a lifelong atheist and skeptic finally
was shown an extraordinary miracle (the sun appearing to fall
from the sky, but then being restored to its proper place
), causing him to slowly take
his hat off, lift his eyes to heaven and say with great feeling,
"Only the fools say there is no God." (The implication
being that, from then on, he was a transformed man, and that
he never had any doubt again.) Doubt was not a part of my
romantic conception of spiritual practice!
But in fact, so long as there is still a mind
to transcend (and especially before recognition and hearing
have been established as moment-to-moment capabilities), there
is still the potential for doubt, and for "dark nights
of the soul" — as well-known spiritual practitioners
and Realizers have confessed, from Mother
Teresa to St.
Teresa of Avila to Jesus of Nazareth (crying from the
cross, Eloi, Eloi, Lama sabachthani: "My God, My God,
why have You forsaken me?"). When one is Adi Da's devotee
and has received this Revelation, it's best to be aware of
this likelihood, and prepare for it ahead of time, so as to
not be caught unawares at the appearance of doubt (either
doubt of Adi Da or doubt of self),
or without the self-understanding or the Spiritual means for
restoring the Revelation. Just so, it's useful to know these
facts about doubt before becoming Adi Da's devotee, so one
doesn't romanticize that becoming Adi Da's devotee must coincide
with not having any more doubts. Short of Divine Enlightenment,
such a moment never comes!
Practice of the Way of Adidam is not a
matter of being concerned about precisely what to do
about these qualities that arise in you. It is a matter
of remaining in your true Condition, which is Satsang
with Me. There will be periods of dullness, of the tamasic quality, when you are just stupid, without
any clarity whatsoever, when you do not remember anything
about what you have understood, when you have no capability
whatsoever to be intelligent, to speak clearly, to be
direct with anyone, to feel that you have surrendered
your separate and separative self. But that tamasic
quality will always come and go. No one ever eliminates
it entirely. It is always there, as one of the qualities
Avatar Adi Da Samraj